he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
