I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
