You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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