butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
