you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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