he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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