take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
