Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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