so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
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It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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