I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
