I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
