Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
