i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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