You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
