so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
