how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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