Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
