I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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