4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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