She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm at about main and main street
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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