Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
