we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
