Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
