If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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