Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
