hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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