also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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