What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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