You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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