I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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