see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
