Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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