so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
