I wanna passion pit in your ass
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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