That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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