Is it because I queefed?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
