I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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