I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
