We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
