you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
