Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
