We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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