If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
