Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
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I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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