Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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