True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't tell me you're on acid again
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
