I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
