I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize