Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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