She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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