After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
