He is an equal opportunity slut.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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