She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
so much tequila, so little girl.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
