Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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