She's JV to your varsity
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
