remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
