i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
