My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
