he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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