SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
