how can u be prego again
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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