If i come over, it means nothing
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
