I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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