i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
