suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
