i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
