also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
