i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize