She's JV to your varsity
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
