Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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