dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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