Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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